written by my lovely wife; a present to me
As soon as ethernet implants were available on the free market, I was first in line. Conveniently, I had a cavity to be filled and some money to burn. Of course, I couldn’t just plug an RJ45 cable into my mouth; I had to get the new BLM “drive” — bacterial liquid media. (I don’t know why they call it a “drive”; it’s a portable biosynthesis toolkit that programs harmless bacteria with up to a petabyte of data and injects them into a small cup of liquid.)
It had been running all night, downloading the entire internet into the BLM drive. I sipped the contents, swished, closed my eyes, and began to surf.
“Sweetie, sometimes I feel like you care about the internet more than you care about me.”
I turned to face her, opened my eyes, smiled, and let the internet dribble out of my mouth.