Archive for June, 2009

the lesson

June 19th, 2009

4 years old: my father tells me I’m too needy, too clingy, too sensitive. He leaves my mother and me.

10 years old: my best friend Josh tells me I cry too much. He leaves me.

16 years old: my first boyfriend dumps me for my “best” friend, after telling me she’s tough and more fun.

23 years old: my first husband leaves me, saying he can’t handle tiptoeing around my issues anymore.

38 years old: my second husband storms out, telling me to call him when I’ve grown up and stopped being so sensitive.

40 years old: my boyfriend leaves after I tell him how much I love him, saying it’s too much.

47 years old: I don’t cry anymore. I can’t even remember how.

78 years old: My third husband died this morning. I think it hurts, but I’m too distant.

89 years old: I will die today, I can tell. I tell my children to be strong, stoic. No tears. They nod, they know. I’ve never told them how much I love them; I hope they know.

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I will.

June 14th, 2009

I feel like I don’t have it in me. My creative heart beats slow, sluggish, silent. My tears won’t stop falling, invisible but ever present. I want to write, I want to keep in touch with the essence of my storytelling spirit, but I’m ever-so-tired.

Too many hats, too many weights, too many tears. For too long, I’ve struggled with this, and now I don’t know how to stop. I must learn – and I will.

A rest, a recharge; time to heal. And then I will learn.

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help wanted

June 13th, 2009

Wanted: one fully grown, well-trained Hydra for assistance with small business, in a Personal Assistant-type role. Weary woman has far too many hats and needs extra heads to share burdens.

Nine heads, nine helping hats:
1) full-time care taking of one small boy (not much trouble; no eating!)
2) transport child to and from extracurricular activities twice a week
3) full-time care taking of three cats and one fish (trouble levels vary; no eating!)
4) run errands when needed
5) prepare meals twice a day for family
6) some laundry, occasional house-cleaning
7) maintain calendar of events for family
8) take calls and emails from clients and respond in a timely manner
9) help with various admin duties for small business

Previous experience and references required. Pay offered in Grecian heroes and fish. Must keep poisonous breath to self, must not eat child, cats, or clients. Must provide own transport; we do live near a river.

Please contact me if interested; position needs immediate filling.

author’s note: I posted this on Craig’s List for fun.

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pray prey

June 12th, 2009

Sweltering heat beats upon my fragile skin. I can feel it start to cook, bake, burn. The soft pale peach turns to angry red crimson, and I am powerless.

It makes me mad, furious. My emotions churn and my insides get as hot as my skin. I thrash, pull, fight the ropes which hold me down, keep me down. The sun ignores my struggles, oblivious to the torture I undergo.

I can see the birds high above, circling, waiting. I will hold on as long as I can, deny them their prey. I scream in futile frustration. I look up into the clear sky and pray for rain.

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and one steps out

June 11th, 2009

In, I breathe. Out, I breathe. In again and out, out again and in. With each breath, Goddess names on my lips. I sink, I drop, I dream.

They circle ’round me, the Goddesses. They dance in rhythm with the slow content beat of my heart, winding, stepping, floating. After a time, one steps out.

She moves behind the others, sits on a chair of gold. Watching me. “It has come time to release you,” she says in her beautiful voice, rich like ringing bells. “No further will I lead you on your path; you are diverging from me, and so I release you.” There is love in her words, love in her eyes, love is her being. Compassion and joy fill her eyes, and I know she is happy to see me grow.

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distance

June 10th, 2009

She looked at him, trying to focus on his face. “I dream about you all the time, you know,” she whispered, blushing. “You hold me, kiss me, make love to me, sing to me. Sometimes you protect me, sometimes I protect you. Sometimes we’re sad, but usually we’re happy. We talk and laugh a lot. Sometimes we have children. Sometimes it’s just me and you, together for our whole lives.” She took a deep breath. “I think I love you.” She watched him.

He smiled. He looked so happy, so beautiful. Then she saw his girlfriend.

She lowered her binoculars. A single tear rolled down her cheek.

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the collector

June 9th, 2009

“Hush now, shush now,” she murmured gently. The dragon settled, his prickled skin smoothing out. He was a new hatchling, tiny and fragile and fierce. He practiced his roar, ignorant of his size, ignorant of his situation.

She looked around her kitchen, littered with small birdcages. Weary creatures, their magic fading, wings and clothes dirty, trembled as her gaze washed over them. She could hear the little elf in the living room, tending to her hearth, and she smiled.

This one will need something… sturdier, she mused, turning her eyes back to the dragon in her palm, something bigger. But for now, she placed him gently in the small metal cage. It would suffice, for a while.

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stormy

June 8th, 2009

A sigh, a crack, a loud flash of light, blinding bright zigzags rip and sear the air.

A breeze building intensity, growing strength, brushing then tearing across the land.

A rumble in the distance, growing closer, threatening, shaking, booming.

A drip, a drop, a sprinkle, a downpour, a torrent of water released from the sky.

A sky growing darker, blinking out the sun, blue fading as black gathers and grabs hold.

An ocean tossed, turbulent, water from below reaching up to water falling from above, mixing and mingling and losing itself.

A tiny ship is lost, a life winks out, a heart breaks, a tiny boy becomes an orphan.

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blue

June 7th, 2009

She sighed wearily as she packed her bag. This was the tenth transfer in as many months. It always happened eventually; there wasn’t a home she’d been placed with that could handle her… oddities.

She glanced in the mirror and wished for the zillionth time she’d known her mother. Her pale eyes, the blue of ice on a sunny day, were prominent against the dark circles her sleepless night had granted. She stuck her tongue out at her reflection, but the blue tinge just made her heartache that much deeper.

She pulled at her hair. No matter what color she dyed it, within days it was back to its natural color: blue. Bright brilliant blue. Undeniably unmistakably blue, like the ever-so-slight tinge to her skin.

She sighed again, and finished packing her bag.

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dear john

June 6th, 2009

Dear John,

You thought I’d stay forever. You thought, after years of keeping me down, I’d damn well stay down.

Well, I went to the doctor today. It’s a girl. I’m leaving you.

I won’t let my daughter be raised like you’re raising our sons. Five boys, all growing up just like their father: cold, heartless little bastards with not an ounce of good in ‘em.

Today, I’m going to be the woman I want her to be. Strong, capable, brilliant. Unafraid. I’m gonna give her the life I let you take from me.

So very sincerely,
Lilly

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